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Under Oath 4: "Doin' Me!!

"...Nothings more beautiful than nothing your worth
And finally, I know exactly what I deserve

I'm doing me (this time around)
Doing me (don't need you now)
I'd rather be by myself
I won't let your drama hold me down
I'm doing me (this time around)
Doing me (cause I finally found)
I'd rather be by myself
I'm doing me yeah"

Those are the words to one of the singles on the latest studio album of American Idol turned International Recording Star, Fantasia Barrino who goes simply by the name Fantasia/Tasia. No this is not a review of the album; it is an affirmation of ME!!! Like Tasia, I affirm TODAY that, "I am doing ME!"

If any of you have been following my "Under Oath" series, you would have realised by now that this is where I self-disclose to my readers. I become vulnerable; naked and unashamed.

In my sojourn on this,life's tedious journey, I have tried to please, impress get the approval of, validate the feelings of and live up to the expectations of my family, friends, my teachers, mentors and my lovers. The only person I hardly ever considered was ME. I lost ME in the process of meeting everyone else's needs. Perhaps you who are reading this have already self-actualised. Perhaps you are saying that I should have had better sense. And maybe you are right! You see, up until this point, my greatest fear in life was not DEATH but being alone; being seen as a failure. All my accomplishments were my cry, my beckoning, my desire just to be SEEN (accepted for who I am). The Brighter and more talented I appeared, the more my popularity grew yet and still nobody sees me. Family members were proud that I was doing well, academically. Lovers were happy to be associated with me; I was the trophy partner - at every turn I sought profusely to meet expectations - to be what everyone else needed. Meanwhile, Damien Marcus Williams was dying. I have tasted death - it is not a state of non-existence; it is being trapped in the purgatory of your mind (between knowledge of self and desire to be loved and yet not experiencing any). Being here, I had been depressed and dejected many times. Many were the suicidal ideations as were the suicidal attempts even in the midst of applause - I was still not seen.

I have come to the place and stage in my life where I refuse to live for anyone else. I cannot be held in this purgatory anymore. I am doing things on my own terms (for those who may be tempted to yield to telling me about God's terms - DON'T!!!). If you cant SEE me and accept ME for ME, F@#* off!! I am going to love on my terms. I am going to follow my passions without apologies. At this stage of my life, I am just beginning to embrace myself. And if I die alone while on this new journey with myself then I would have died happy getting to know the most important person in my life: ME. I am "DOING ME"! Better late than never, don't you think?



  2. Tracy, the way to happiness is selfishness (in a sense). No person who is not first happy can make anyone else happy neither will anyone else be able to make such a person happy.

    Selflessness is folly. And even persons who appear selfless get some form of happiness from attempting to make others happy. Every human being is concerned about self-happiness. So we all are fundamentally selfish. I just am persuaded that my brand of selfishness is better!!!

  3. I love it, anyone who have gone through depression because they were living for everyone else but themselves would understand...I understand...keep being you - Gregory

  4. Oh...I am glad this resonated with you, Gregory! Keep reading and sending your feedback.

  5. While it may seem some-what selfish I can relate with what you saying, I mean trying to live a life just so people will see and that you will gain some respect...... I don't need to give another version of Under Oath here but, I'm glad you have gotten over it, I wish to but seems not so easy for me but I'm getting there

  6. Damion, it is always beautiful to have you weigh in. Selfishness is a natural human tendency, which if understood and properly harnessed can be a constructive trait. Keep reading and sharing your opinions/comments.

  7. Marcus, your writing is very beautiful and thought provoking. Thanks for sharing a glimpse of your brilliance. Nuff respect.


  8. Thank you, Nnamdi, for your kind words!!!



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